After a post I wrote a while ago titled: A Pinch Of Pressure & 30 Degree Heat, I knew that this quirky title would grab your attention just like my previous one did.
Now this one is not about the weather but was actually inspired by two things: 1. A video on Instagram that I stumbled across by Gloria Umanah, where she spoke on our defence mechanisms when it comes to our sin (I might drop a link here so that you can watch the short clip) and 2. A series of books by Ally Carter, called Gallagher Girls and my favourite one was “I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have To Kill You”. It was a very popular book amongst my friends then… however, this topic may not be.
I’m aware that some of my previous posts and devotionals have been quite sweet, but this one may be a little hard-hitting.
These past few days for me have been intense. Like having a new job back to back, whilst catching up on sleep, creating new content, whilst continuing a project and still being available for meetups intense. And sometimes all I want to do is sign everything off, lock my phone and become unavailable. Unreachable. Back to the life, I want to live on my terms. But God has a way of subtly dropping new directions, windows to look through and close doors that aren’t for us. I can say that now though, but a couple of years ago when I was still juggling friendships and the relationship I was told to keep on the down-low, my mind didn’t grasp that just yet.
We read on Instagram and other social media platforms that we need to cut ties with the toxic friendship groups and make our circles smaller. Which I 100% agree with and believe that sometimes God does remove those people from our lives – and other times, He moves US away, but we don’t like to highlight that part.
One day I came across a Facebook conversation I had with someone and I cringed! I cringed at the way I responded. The way I spoke and how after each word, came a bomb of self-depletion and destruction. I always thought it was them who didn’t want me. I thought it was always them who didn’t see me for who I was or believed in me. I thought it was always them… maybe it was. But it wasn’t always them. Sometimes it was me. As I came to this realisation years later, it became apparent to me that in fact, God moved me away from them.
I was moved to a room that was just me and Him. Him and I. Where I could truly be laid bare before Him, where He could have my attention. Where I couldn’t hide behind someone else. For me it was away from pretending or trying to be someone else that they would like; favoured. It was walking around with some, if not most of the objects in my house, covered by a thick heavy cloth, untouched. Dusty. For you, it could be similar or completely different. But the fact is, this new place was uncomfortable and neither was it well decorated.
We as humans tend to redirect anything to do with highlighting our insides, hidden parts and TBC’s (to be continued parts) yet find it a lot easier to help (without being asked) others to find theirs.
What if in these instances where He is pulling you away or wanting your attention, He wants to encourage you? Help you? Express His love to you, in a way that only you would understand? What if He wants to show you your sin or guide you through a new area of your life?
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up: do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19
“For I am the Lord your God, the one who takes hold of your right hand, who says to you, ‘Don’t be afraid, I am helping you.’” Isaiah 41:13 NET
Someone who says they will help you and is by your side won’t expect you to ignore them right?
A few words come to mind now when I feel that He wants to redirect my attention from being preoccupied with life’s movement, to Him, my Father. One is…
A renewing. A rejuvenation. He wants to show you, the real you. The you, you can be with eyes closed and hearts abandoned. The you who practices that screenplay so effortlessly when no one’s looking. – but in order to do so, it starts with your heart (Proverbs 23:7). However, transformation isn’t complete without some form of purification or sanctification. An action of being set apart. Different. Free. From the inside out.
The other word is…
(There is something on this very word, that I am working on) I never used to think too much about this word. The only time it’s ever used is when we are referred to as rocks transformed into diamonds… but there’s that imagery again. One with a wonderful outcome but not without the painful middle (and use of tools). Now, when I hear the word, refine, to me it’s a beautiful oxymoron. A beautiful mess. A bittersweet journey.
For there to be workA Crowned Soul
Left undone in me,
Doesn’t mean I am
Unworthy or damaged
But that I am a Masterpiece
In the making
Whose beauty is untainted in Your eyes.
In Your eyes,
From a Father to His child,
I am Your true gemstone,
Your rare jewel
In Your very image.